Coming back to Knoxville is always a complicated thing- partially because of the logistics (public transportation to and within this city is prettymuch non-existent), and partially because of a whole slew of conflicting emotions about my birthplace.
I adore my parents, and love spending time in the house I grew up in- where everything sounds and smells right and I generally know how to find things. It's always interesting to see what's changed since the last time I was here. Sad note thought- I miss our family dog- it's a lonelier house without her. At least I got to say goodbye to her at Christmas, and she certainly had a long life, but... I wish she was still here to trot about after me and demand attention and run away from her own farts and interrupt my ab workout. I usually miss having animals about, but here I feel it a bit more intensely, for obvious reasons. Still, it's good to be back, and I'm hoping I can figure out a way to stay for awhile.
One thing I don't remember noticing before is how marvelous it is to be seen as myself. I'm not a label, a profession, a possible connection. Yes, I'm defined relationally- as daughter and sister and whatnot, but mostly I introduce myself as "Caitlin"... and that's sufficient. My major in college, my last job, my hopes for the future... these are interesting things about me, but here they are not my definition.
On the other hand, there are very few jobs in this city, I dislike the football culture intensely, most people are terrible drivers, and I still see it as one of the worst developed places I've ever been. Nor is it exactly a beacon of progressive thinking. Though I did see copies of "Out" Magazine on sale at the grocery store checkout last week, so at least some things are improving...
No comments:
Post a Comment