On the Loose Lyrics

These are the lyrics to one of my favorite camp songs- the meaning behind my blog title. Yeah, it's corny.

Did you ever watch the sunrise turn the sky completely red,

Have you slept beneath the moon and stars, a pine bough for your bed

Did you sit and talk with friends, though a word was never said,

Then you're just like me and you've been on the loose.

Chorus:

On the loose to climb a mountain,

On the loose where I am free.

On the loose to live my life, the way I think my life should be,

For I've only got a moment and a whole world yet to see.

I'll be looking for tomorrow on the loose.

There's a trail that I'll be hiking just to see where it might go.

Many places yet to visit, many people yet to know,

For in following in my dreams, I will live and I will grow,

On a trail that's waiting out there on the loose.

Chorus

So in search of love and laughter, I'll be traveling cross this land

Never sure of where I'm going, for I haven't any plan,

So in time when you are ready, come and join me and take my hand,

And together we'll share life out there on the loose.

Chorus

In this world that I am traveling, I will think of you this way,

Remembering your smile, for it seems like yesterday

When we slept beneath the stars, and we dreamed about this day

Now we have come together on the loose.

Chorus

As I sit and watch the sunset and the daylight softly fades,

I am thinking of tomorrow and the friendships we have made.

I will value them for always and I hope you'll do the same,

And forever we'll explore life on the loose.

Chorus

Now the moon is softly glowing and the stars are twinkling bright

Our laughter and our friendship have cleared this cloudy night

Come and join our flickering campfire, come and sing our happy songs

And together we'll share life out on the loose.

Chorus

Elementary School Con

This weekend was our first Elementary School Con of the year- theme "CONmunicating through Action". So basically the Mountain has been covered in precious excited children for the last couple of days, and we are now all totally knackered. Yesterday was the awesomest.

Highlights:

- The YARs had to go talk to the Mountain's Board about who we are and what we're getting out of the program. I made a point of stressing the fact that this residency is important because of how rare service opportunities for young adults are in Unitarian Universalism. At least two board members stopped me later to tell me they thought I was going to be a great minister. woo-hoo!

- Morning Circle, where we gather in the treehouse and sing. It's always a highlight. I still have "Rocky Raccoon" stuck in my head. I lost my voice. Again.

- My morning workshop was flippin' awesome. Shelly and I presented the CONvicts (yes, that's really what we call them, it's tradition!), with various team-building challenges for which they were rewarded with puzzle pieces... in the end assembling those into a puzzle. I'm always a bit nervous about processing team-building activities, since I don't have as much training in that as I'd like, but it went wonderfully well and they got out of it exactly what we hoped they would! YAYYYYYY!

- A little girl stopped me outside the Rec Hall to tell me she liked my hat and thought I was pretty. The "awww" factor of this was pretty intense.

- I was late to field time (because there was a pressure front going through and my knees were all stiff) but had a few really lovely conversations on the way down and capture the flag in the snow is bloody awesome. I walked one of the kids from my workshop back up (he lost a sock in the snow and we stayed behind to find it) and had a philosophical discussion of the nature of change.

- Free time we meant to go into town but Ned's car was blocked. So instead we drove down the Mountain and back up in the back of Nic's huge pickup truck, while blasting black eyed peas... then sat in the dining hall and pretended we were in town (I contributed some of my candy stash to this worthy cause).

- Introduced two Focus Groups to the game Frog Detective. There's something incredibly cheering about sitting in a circle with 7-12 year olds yelling "Frog Detective, Frog Detective, We Need You!"

- Ended up not performing in the Coffeehouse but had a wonderful time all the same- we had some amazingly talented CONvicts and every performance was so... sincere, and pure, and good hearted. And everyone cheered so loudly for each act. I get warm fuzzies just thinking about it.

- The Dance was amazing. I rocked out with the socially awkward kids in the back to Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" and a couple other songs. So. Much. Fun.

- I was in charge of vespers and it went incredibly well, though the story I read was a bit long. Got lots of compliments today but the really big one was the fact that it moved one of my peers to tears.

- "Family Council" with all of the PALs and PAL Mentors was incredibly intense and moving. Also learned that one of my fellow Mentors is the son of Meg Barnhouse- one of the most amazing UU ministers in the history of our faith tradition. I'm still geeking out about it. He is also pretty darn awesome and I'm looking forward to working with him on the next Con as well.

- The weather was perfect, though we still couldn't get most of the Advisor's cars up the Mountain. Today the weather was so lovely I ended up taking a nap outside after everyone left... which was GLORIOUS.

- I have eaten at least two dozen cookies in the last 24 hours. YES.

- Have seen a whole new side of Brian (our camp director and the driving force behind our new organic farm). Also have been inducted into the world of Sandwich Punching. There was a very amusing incident involving someone's sandwich being punted out the back door of the dining hall. Don't worry, she was finished with it.

- My skills at dealing with large groups continue to improve. There's something about the rush of bringing 90 people to attentive silence that's difficult to describe.


Oh! And we have a new resident volunteer- he's here for a couple of weeks and Nelson is enjoying having someone who isn't female to hang out with.

Tonight the Star Wars viewing parties continued. Epic awesomeness. Though I'm still angry at George Lucas for stealing all the artwork from Dinotopia and for adding stupid SGI stuff to the classic trilogy. Grrrrrrr.

Tomorrow shall be spent in Housekeeping... which is a lot more fun then you'd think.

Living Simply

Thoreau writes of his desire to live simply, to avoid a life of "quiet desperation". It has certainly been said before that we now lead, for the most part, lives of LOUD desperation. Noisome miserable cranky frustration.

"Live simply, that others my simply live." Well... certainly I can see how destructive our frenetic materialistic culture is. But for me this misses the point. Live simply so that YOU can live.

This is something I've thought about before, of course- the wonderfullness that is "living simply". For me this is often connected to "religious" experiences, feelings of connection to the natural world, intentional communities/family, and time spent doing Nothing.

I'm thinking about it now because I found this passage in The Tao of Pooh and wanted to jump up and down and say to someone "Yes! Exactly!".

Many people are afraid of Emptiness, however, because it reminds them of Loneliness. Everything has to be filled in, it seems- appointment books, hillsides, vacant lots-- but when all the spaces are filled, the Loneliness really begins. Then the Groups are joined, the Classes are signed up for, and the Gift-to-Yourself items are bought. When the Loneliness starts creeping in the door the Television Set is turned on to make it go away. But it doesn't go away. So some of us do instead, and after discarding the emptiness of the Big Congested Mess, we discover the fullness of Nothing.

For me cities are the physical site of the Big Congested Mess (Benjamin Hoff, you're a genius), and what I did last year was go away. I left the Big Congested Mess and went out to find Nothing again. Nothing is one of the most important things for me, and that's something I've felt for a long time... Why most of my most blissful moments have happened in Solitude, why I'm so obsessed with Silence as a creative force, why I believe so fiercely in Richard Louv's No Child Left Inside initiative and the idea that the best thing you can do for a child is to give them Nothing. Nothing may be the most important thing we are ever given, and the hardest to notice. Nothing cannot be found in possessions or Activities or expensive educations, and most certainly not on the internet.

If there is one thing I hope I can contribute to the world, it is Nothing. The Nothing my father gave me, the Nothing I have tried to express over and over as an artist and dancer, the Nothing I found at the Huyck Preserve.

Maybe when I do find a life partner, I will be able to give that. Not advice or jewelry or flowery declarations of undying affection, but that Nothing that means so much more. The silences of true companionship, the little nothings of lovers, the openness of a true partner. May I be wise and loving and hopeful enough to say to someone, "I have Nothing to offer you," and may that be what is wanted.

Sacred and Profane

In anthropology we talk a lot about the Sacred and the Profane as concepts for understanding how cultures function in our lives. I've been thinking about what that means for me personally- where that division stands in my life.

First off, profane does not mean "dirty" in this context, or even necessarily inappropriate. It just means ordinary, belonging to the world of the mundane

Sacred spaces are easy to define- church sanctuaries, museums, national parks, dance studios...

The arts are sacred, even as they serve as a reflection of the profane. Theater in particular.

A confidence is sacred, as is any conversation deemed to be happening in a "safe space".

Privacy is sacred- private lives are both profane and sacred, in complex and troubling ways. They become profane when they become public.

Life and dignity are sacred. I think of the natural world- from trees to zooplankton to granite boulders, as sacred- cities as profane.

The sacred can, of course, be profaned. Litter is thrown in our national parks, privacy is breached, lives are defiled and dignity denied. Who feels the consequences of this?

More specifically, what do you do when you've profaned the sacred? Repentance isn't enough, atonement isn't likely, transformation is insufficient. If what you've profaned is truly sacred, there is no forgiveness... do you live this way forever, with a millstone 'round your neck, dwelling in regret? Maybe that's what Prometheus's punishment represents - the unending guilt of profaning that which should have been sacred... and society and our own conscience acting as the flesh eating eagle?

Not a very chipper post for Marti Gras, I know.

Garumph

Today is my least favorite national holiday. It's been my least favorite holiday ever since I graduated from the elementary school valentine's box tradition, and even before then it felt like a competition. We all wanted to be the one who gave the most popular valentines and received the most quantity and quality of valentines in returns. You totally knew someone disliked you if the valentine from them was stupid and had really crap candy attached to it.

And now? Now I'm an adult. And single. And generally speaking I'm quite okay with this- I even LIKE being single (which has surprised me more then anyone, I assure you). But then February comes around, and I'm less happy anyway because of the dark and cold... and along comes this holiday like a slap in the face.

Valentine's day contains no chalky conversation hearts or chemically enhanced roses, no overly packaged boxes of chocolates or fuzzy stuffed animals for me. I believe I've only had one "real" Valentine's day. And that's okay, because materialism is obnoxious and no relationship should require that much frosting on this one commercialized day of the year. I think the only real reason I've ever like Valentine's day is because it was an excuse to give people stuff. I love giving presents, to the point of annoying excess. Character flaw, perhaps.

At this point in my life I am single mostly by choice- I'm not pining for someone or feeling empty and alone (though I have hopes for the fall). And yet. Being single on this holiday is awful- like our culture is demanding that I be bitter or depressed or wracked with feelings of insufficiency. Glaring at the huge bright red grocery store display does not relieve my feelings much. No, corporate america, I will not buy your stupid themed candies. At least, not until they go on sale.

Political Correctness

The following quote has made me think:

NCMEAG's experience has been that it is often people with privilege and power who use the term "political correctness" to make light of legitimate cultural and personal issues of people who don't have that same level of power,  of people who have most-often been targets of prejudice and discrimination.  The PC term is too-often used to diminish the importance of a legitimate issue or to bully people into silence. 

• Monroe Gilmour, Coordinator
  North Carolina Mascot Education & Action Group (NCMEAG)
  

I have often heard people say they "hate political correctness". What do they mean when they say that? That they hate having to watch what they say, that they feel like it's "pandering to minorities", that they should have the right to say whatever they want, or that they feel it's a superficial non-solution to issues of discrimination?

I am always tempted to say that I agree. "oh yeah, me too, it's so obnoxious". I don't want to be labeled a self-righteous crazy person, after all. I don't want to be dismissed or diminished because what I say seems silly. I don't want to be accused of saying things I don't mean just to be socially accepted.

How does one explain the importance of the language and symbols we use?

"I'm not just being politically correct! This issue is real, it has real meaning and significance and your dismissal of it is a confirmation of bigotry and smug small mindedness".

Well, that sounds awful defensive.

"What more should we be doing to address this issue?"

That's sidestepping the issue of language's importance.

"Why do you feel that this is a silly point of activism?"

Might be a beginning of a conversation, anyway. More dialogue is rarely a bad thing. Very few people want to think of themselves as bigots, after all. We'd much rather be allies, so why not encourage them to act more on the side of the disempowered? Or at least ask them why they're uncomfortable with that?

What's so wrong with being sensitive, anyway?

Voice of the Wind

There's a poem in the YAR office about wind- how the air currents around the Mountain remind us of the constant motion of life and draw awareness to our breath… the intake and release of air that connects us to air currents the world over.

It is impossible to ignore the force of wind at The Mountain. It slices through your layers on cold mornings, rushes around your room at night, carries your greetings to other mountain tops during the day. If it were not for the wind we might forget the passage of time here, how quickly the world is rushing by below. It makes me feel like part of our moving world, as if a part of me is travelling over hills and valleys and oceans as the rest of me stands here, laughing gleefully. It reminds me to look up and around, draws my attention to the branches of trees and the flight of birds, keeps my spirit lively.

"Let your hair down," says the wind, or "take shelter behind that post- what else have you taken the time to touch today?" It chortles and scoops up leaves, bidding me notice their graceful dance across my path. The wind makes even the horrible plastic grocery bag beautiful. I smile at these antics, pleased at the reminder of how life itself can be a dance, a series of glorious moving moments.

Do you remember dancing with the wind across a mountain meadow as a child? Throwing a kite into the sky to soar and dip? Tossing whirl-a-copter pods up into the air or spreading dandelion seeds with the force of your breath?

There is something undeniably magic about wind, this element of movement.

Love Talk

I found this in one of my books of readings and meditations and thought it was unbelievably beautiful (though it has, obviously, no ramifications for my life as it stands now, I wanted to share it anyway).

"Words"

Let's keep talking, my love. Words we have to spare: love words and angry words, and beneath them hurting, bleeding , dying words, and beneath them words melted by fire and hardened by ice, words of sadness and truth birthed from the cavern of tears.

And when the words are spent, heaped over the pages and spilled to the floor, let us read each other's eyes and see the chapters and the places where old bookmarks press the pages apart, so the book opens up to the old story before we can move on.

For you are all the love words I have ever heard and all the hurt words where the love is deepest, stripped back and bleeding.

But let's keep caring, ever so slowly building down the words, one beneath the other, getting closer to the truth and still deeper until you touch your words to my wounds, honor them, and feel the pain. Our wounds may not be healed by the touch of the other's words but are dignified by our recognition of their existence. Then and only then will the words mean anything; when we have used them up until the old meanings have been scrubbed off; when the wrong words have been tried and discarded and the right words have been spoken in a whisper, then let us climb down into each other's soul and rest there in the silence, and love.

- Elizabeth Tarbox

Life Tides, 1993

Tanya and Dante’s Wedding Ceremony

This is the ceremony we created for my strangebrain's wedding in the summer of 2009, in which I served as wedding officiate.

Opening Words:

Tanya and Dante, your friends and family are with you today to bear witness to this new stage in your life together. We wish for you all of the joy that witnessing your love and humor has given us, and remind you at this celebration of your commitment that you have our continued love and support.

If anyone has an objection to this formalization of the lifetime commitment between these two, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Marriage Reading.

Tanya's Aunt Theresa will now share a reading.

Shakespearean Sonnet

Now join hands, and with your hands your hearts.

Wedding Vows:

Officiate: Dante, what is your promise to Tanya today?

Dante:

I promise to cherish you always

To keep you safe, to be truthful with you

I will be unceasingly yours

And will love you forever

As husband and friend

Officiate: Tanya, what is your promise to Dante today?

Tanya:

I promise to love and protect you

To stay by your side, and be open and trusting

I will cherish you always

And will share all that I am

As your wife and friend

I do's:

Officiate: Dante Amoroso, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, for as long as you both shall live?

Dante: I do.

Officiate: Tanya Kiacolai, Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, for as long as you both shall live?

Tanya: I do.

Exchange of Rings:

The marriage rings you have brought with you today will serve as a lasting reminder of the commitment you have made. Tanya, please place this awesome metallic object on Dante's hand. Now Dante, please present Tanya with her super sparkly symbol.

Blessing/Closing:

If anyone has something brief they wish to say to the bride and groom before this assembled company, please come forward now.

Tanya and Dante, you have formalized in our presence the existence of the bond of love between you - vowing to be loyal and loving toward one another. Above you is the sky, below you is the Earth. Like a star, your love has been a guiding light. Like the trees that surround us, your love is ever growing and deeply rooted. Be understanding and patient, for storms may come and go. Be quicker to laughter than to anger, and free always in giving affection and warmth.

Declaration of Marriage:

By the power vested in me by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Announcement:

As marriage is an event that must be celebrated not quietly but with glory and distinction, I now invite you to join me in greeting Dante and Tanya as husband and wife.

Etiquette

In one of our meetings a week or so ago I said "Sometimes what is socially unacceptable is what is morally right". I am fairly comfortable with the fact that many people find that statement troublesome. It does tie in fairly tidily with my self description as a troublemaker.

I believe it is important to step outside of our comfort zones, to confront our own privileges and misconceptions. In my life I've chosen honesty over politeness, and this gets me in a great deal of trouble. Because sometimes I say stupid things I should not have said. Some things really are better kept to myself- sometimes it is most definitely true that if you don't have something nice to say you shouldn't say anything at all. Do I want to become more tactful? Absolutely. I don't want to hurt people, and I'd prefer not to be disliked. Yet still...

There is a tradeoff to everything. We live in a classist society, much as we like to deny it, and etiquette is one of the more obvious definers of class. If you want to talk to the powerful and have them listen, it may be more effective to do so in their own language and by their rules. Work within the system, don't step on toes, there's a time and a place for everything. Yeah.

And NO. I will not be silenced by your rules and roles. I will not let you take away my power to speak and to question. I would rather be rude then obedient, if obedience comes with the price of ignoring truths.

In his introduction of me at the service two weeks ago, Rev. Morrill said he had always heard my name connected to the word "justice" and was therefore surprised when the service I suggested was pastoral in message. I'm an activist, yes, and a troublemaker and a nuisance. But I don't just care for people in the abstract sense of making a better world for everyone, I care about people on an individual basis. Challenging isn't enough, and it isn't all there is to who I am. Perhaps that's why I burned out of advocacy work- it wasn't enough, I felt incomplete and frustrated.

We've been talking about what our "big questions" are- when is it right to be inappropriate? Can one respect people without always respecting social conventions? What about those times when people do things I think are horrifically inappropriate. I guess we must choose what we respect- I respect people but not systems that silence or dis-empower. I respect you but not your desire to ignore your privilege. I respect confidentiality and privacy but I question the boundaries of what we do and do not say.

Anyway, I've chosen to be an activist but I make plenty of mistakes. To quote our fearless leader, "for a vegetarian I sure eat a lot of foot".