Etiquette

In one of our meetings a week or so ago I said "Sometimes what is socially unacceptable is what is morally right". I am fairly comfortable with the fact that many people find that statement troublesome. It does tie in fairly tidily with my self description as a troublemaker.

I believe it is important to step outside of our comfort zones, to confront our own privileges and misconceptions. In my life I've chosen honesty over politeness, and this gets me in a great deal of trouble. Because sometimes I say stupid things I should not have said. Some things really are better kept to myself- sometimes it is most definitely true that if you don't have something nice to say you shouldn't say anything at all. Do I want to become more tactful? Absolutely. I don't want to hurt people, and I'd prefer not to be disliked. Yet still...

There is a tradeoff to everything. We live in a classist society, much as we like to deny it, and etiquette is one of the more obvious definers of class. If you want to talk to the powerful and have them listen, it may be more effective to do so in their own language and by their rules. Work within the system, don't step on toes, there's a time and a place for everything. Yeah.

And NO. I will not be silenced by your rules and roles. I will not let you take away my power to speak and to question. I would rather be rude then obedient, if obedience comes with the price of ignoring truths.

In his introduction of me at the service two weeks ago, Rev. Morrill said he had always heard my name connected to the word "justice" and was therefore surprised when the service I suggested was pastoral in message. I'm an activist, yes, and a troublemaker and a nuisance. But I don't just care for people in the abstract sense of making a better world for everyone, I care about people on an individual basis. Challenging isn't enough, and it isn't all there is to who I am. Perhaps that's why I burned out of advocacy work- it wasn't enough, I felt incomplete and frustrated.

We've been talking about what our "big questions" are- when is it right to be inappropriate? Can one respect people without always respecting social conventions? What about those times when people do things I think are horrifically inappropriate. I guess we must choose what we respect- I respect people but not systems that silence or dis-empower. I respect you but not your desire to ignore your privilege. I respect confidentiality and privacy but I question the boundaries of what we do and do not say.

Anyway, I've chosen to be an activist but I make plenty of mistakes. To quote our fearless leader, "for a vegetarian I sure eat a lot of foot".