In High School I visited Boston and Cambridge- loved being in the epicenter of American Unitarian Universalism and decided I wanted to live there someday.
In College I learned more about the history of Unitarian Universalism, realized I truly wanted to be a minister and that Harvard would be a great place to get my MDiv, actually visited campus and liked many of the people I met. I wrote papers about Harvard's connections to Unitarian Universalism, talked to current students, developed my senior thesis to make my dedication to religion as a career clear, and designed my gap years after college to give me a good life story to present to the admissions committee. Harvard was the goal.
Then in the first January of my gap years I began an identity crisis. Over the next couple of months I completely disintegrated as a person, lost my fiancee and my job, and decided to move to the woods for awhile to think things over. Spent the summer coming to terms with and reassembling myself and the fall reconnecting to my roots and applying to divinity school.
Now I'm on top of a Mountain still thinking things over, and I'm faced with a dilemma.
Last December I visited Starr King School for the Ministry in Berkeley, California, and fell in love with it. I'd just finished my application, and in January found out I was in. At the beginning of February i told them I was coming, and sent a check for 200 dollars. That's a lot of money for me! I only earn 92 dollars a week right now!
Enter the dilemma.
I also applied to Harvard. Spent time (and money) to take the GRE and get a decent score. Asked for references from former professors. Had Bryn Mawr and Williams Mystic send over official transcripts. Spent days agonizing over my application essays. Contacted former employers to get my tax information early so I could have my FAFSA submitted on time. Yada Yada Yada.
Anyway, I found out last week that Harvard has accepted me and is offering me free tuition (at least for my first year). Crap.
I won't find out what Starr King and the Graduate Theological Union are offering me until mid May.
I am not the person who wanted to go to Harvard anymore. I don't feel the need to prove myself intellectually by going to an elite east coast school, I don't like Cambridge (or know anyone there), and... well, I don't know that I can really express all that I feel about this. Here are some pictures to help.
This is what I picture when I think of Harvard:
(that's William Ellory Channing, very important guy in the history of American Unitarianism and Harvard)And this is what I picture when I think of Starr King:
(That's Mt. Starr King in Yosemite National Park)
Which of those looks more inviting to you? I must admit that as much as I love Channing.... I don't necessarily feel the need to study in the same room where he taught a couple hundred years ago. And I think joyfully of the speech Emerson made in that Harvard chapel where he totally called them out for being stuffy and overly intellectual. Yes they've changed, but many of his criticisms still seem to ring true.
Who do I want to be?
In talking with a friend I compared these two schools to women... Harvard being the "brilliant and wealthy woman I'd had a crush on for ages who suddenly realized she liked me", and Starr King being the "flaky but lovable woman I'd fallen in love with and already said yes to". Rather like deciding between a Vanderbilt and a hippie. Who, my friend asked, would I want to wake up with 20 years from now?
Both schools would be a challenge. I feel like I'd grow more at Starr King, but I'd certainly meet amazing people at Harvard. Both schools have strong connections to the UUA. Both produce wonderful ministers. Both have good libraries and provide a multifaith learning environment. Starr King is somewhere I'd love to live, Harvard has the prestige part of me would still like to have. I know a lot about Harvard and how it fits into what is happening and has happened. California and Starr King are an unknown- an adventure.
What it comes down to is this- I want to go to Starr King, I feel certain that that's the right place for me. But there's a whole heck of a lot of pressure to go to Harvard, and I certainly understand why.
AGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
(That's Mt. Starr King in Yosemite National Park)Which of those looks more inviting to you? I must admit that as much as I love Channing.... I don't necessarily feel the need to study in the same room where he taught a couple hundred years ago. And I think joyfully of the speech Emerson made in that Harvard chapel where he totally called them out for being stuffy and overly intellectual. Yes they've changed, but many of his criticisms still seem to ring true.
Who do I want to be?
In talking with a friend I compared these two schools to women... Harvard being the "brilliant and wealthy woman I'd had a crush on for ages who suddenly realized she liked me", and Starr King being the "flaky but lovable woman I'd fallen in love with and already said yes to". Rather like deciding between a Vanderbilt and a hippie. Who, my friend asked, would I want to wake up with 20 years from now?
Both schools would be a challenge. I feel like I'd grow more at Starr King, but I'd certainly meet amazing people at Harvard. Both schools have strong connections to the UUA. Both produce wonderful ministers. Both have good libraries and provide a multifaith learning environment. Starr King is somewhere I'd love to live, Harvard has the prestige part of me would still like to have. I know a lot about Harvard and how it fits into what is happening and has happened. California and Starr King are an unknown- an adventure.
What it comes down to is this- I want to go to Starr King, I feel certain that that's the right place for me. But there's a whole heck of a lot of pressure to go to Harvard, and I certainly understand why.
AGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
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