My Gender

I could go on at great length about the concept of gender- how I think the gender binary we endorse is a lot of crap and everyone exists in their own space on a spectrum. I'm a queer activist, after all, I've given this a lot of thought. But at the moment I'm thinking about where I fit in this spectrum of gender and gender expression.

I look like a girl. Don't think anyone would argue with that, particularly since I still appear to most people to be about sixteen years old. I wear dresses and skirts because they're comfortable and they remind me of my flying dreams. I wear jewelry because it gives me something to play with and it's an enjoyable form of self expression. I wear non-sports-bras because I happen to like breasts. I wear my hair long because I love the way it feels when it brushes against my back and how it curls into the wind. I consider myself a feminist as well as a queer activist.

Yet few things annoy me so much as someone telling me I'm not at all butch. I feel like a drag queen when I wear makeup (which I generally only do for weddings, stage appearances, and when I'm being filmed in some form by the media). I wear cargo pants and sports bras because they're comfortable and make me happy. I'm by no means meek, but I'm not a "bitch" either. I am not a tom-boy, or one of the guys, or a fag hag. I'm not a southern belle, either. I'm too honest to be truly passive aggressive, I'd rather be the one giving flowers to a romantic partner, and in my swashbuckling daydreams you'd better believe I'm always Zorro.

That doesn't mean I'm not a nurturer, that I don't giggle obnoxiously and coo over babies and use the fact that I'm "cute" to get through airport security faster. I am prone to acting like a girl. Perhaps that's immaturity (not the nurturing part, the giggling bit), perhaps it's a natural part of my gender expression, perhaps it's me playing into social constructs to make my life easier. Something to ponder.

I don't identify as male. But I'm not "femme" either. I'm not a chapstick lesbian, or an air-head bi-chick or an open minded straight woman. I'm myself, fuzzy and strong and queer as a three dollar bill.