The Word "Gay"

The word "gay" used as an insult or derogatory descriptor is incredibly poisonous and painful. Every time someone uses it they are actively contributing to homophobia and heteronormality. More than that, they are negatively impacting someone's life. Yes. Every time. Even if they don't "mean it that way". When you call us fruits and nuts, you are insulting us. I don't care if you have a gay friend or a gay uncle- tokenism is and always has been an excuse and nothing more. The phrase "I'm not homophobic, but..." sets off my homophobe-radar faster than nearly anything else.

"That's so gay". What does that mean? It means that you believe queer folk are gross or ridiculous or un-natural or stupid or ungenerous or unattractive or frightening or "square" or just generally un-cool. You're telling everyone in hearing range that you believe that, that you uphold bigotry and are afraid to face your own otherness. It's a squeal of desperation and hatred and fascist close-mindedness.

Unless you identify as queer and everyone who hears you knows you are speaking satirically, it is NOT OKAY to use this word in a negative light. Ever. Whatever your justification. You know better than to use the n-word, yes?

This is not about being politically correct or humoring hyper-sensitive aquaintances. It's about being aware of the history and power of the language you use- words have meaning beyond the obvious and the literal. When you use certain words you are invoking a massive amount of culture, politics, and personal experience. You are not being clever, or ironic, or expressing your position as a post-homophobic wit. You are being a jerk. Every. Single. Time. Even if no-one punches you in the face or gives you a weird look. Even if there are no "gay" people nearby- and since sexuality is fluid and gender expression a complicated and personal question, how can you ever be sure of that? Even if other people agree with you. Actually, especially if other people agree with you.

While we're at it, stop saying things are "lame", too. Bigotry against the otherly-abled is just as annoying. If you've got something to dismiss or deride or insult, use proper profanity or get creative, for goodness sake.